If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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