i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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