Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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