Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
