I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
