It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
