Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
