I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
