Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
