Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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