I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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