try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
