I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
