M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
