help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
