i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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