Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
