I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
