I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
