You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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