i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize