If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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