I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
