Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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