I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize