Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
