I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
