Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
