Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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