HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
