Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
