i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
