Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
