I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize