i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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