I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
