Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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