this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
