dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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