Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
