dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
