dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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