I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
