Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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