hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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