And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They have beer where we have blood.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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