party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
