his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
