threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
