I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
