your parents love me but you hate me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
