Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
