I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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