My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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