His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize