I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
