dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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