It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
