mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
