I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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