Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
