I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
