it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
