Screwed.edu
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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