i jhust puked up my retainher.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
