no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
