If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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