now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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