My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
